Ashley 2

Ashley
Speaks in non generic patterns that blot sparks
and every tree had a purpose
and every flower
wether you loved it personally or not once had a life
and every blade of grass was chistened with the photosynthesis of exploding heliums
and to speculate  heaven as religious  folklore is to do it an injustice because you're in it and there are no more exquisite guides than herself and the virgin Mary
because Ashley had this awesome courage to be free

and I was in awe
because I hadn't

Sorry
Did you say that I'm not black enough because I said wonderful instead of buff
and all that stuff

Or I ain't seeing what you're seeing because I don't project an act of being born in the Caribbean

That i've turned my back on all sistren because with your selective eyesight you decided that a slovenly backside is the crowning feature of all black women

That there's something too white about me because I don't holiday in the colony every year with the same boys and or girls but rather spread my wings and see as much of the world as challenge and knowledge can yield me

Meanwhile my other eye's on some o'dem stating that I don't look like a Simon
More like a Winston
and there's still an automatic psychic intermission
when I am within peripheral vision of a purse

Did you say that I'm prostituting our legacy because some of my associates are white

Did I go through the ride for you to flip the script on me !?

Take a step back dude
Check yourself

Bus stop. After school . Thursday 4/10/2012

Black kid bout 13
 goes to stab black kid bout 13
 How ridiculous is this ?

I saw one pull out his duke fists 
so the other drew out something designed to fillet fish with
 He lunged forwad in a thrust and missed
 and the victim, shaken, trying to ridicule him, forced a chuckle 
murmuring something paramount to 
'You haven't harmed a whisker', as zorro disappeared 
briskly
 as if an immediate gust of wind whisked him.
 Shifted ! 

 His boys drifted behind him, nervously giggling 
since what they'd just witnessed didn't raise a grimace 

The other boy's boys dithering in a state of raped and diminished machoism: 
each one's rude awakening a given

 We, the public were shocked , 
secretly intimidated, bewildered and whispering  
 and if I decode my inner most defensive system
 underneath I'm trembling cause I'm thinking 
 Two young black kids were 5 maybe 6 inches away from a sliding door to a burning hell that beckons like a warm room patiently waiting for them to get really cold 

My soul bled a piece 
 Everybody's did

Loneliness is attainable

It's easy to miss someone

Far too simple to pine and hide the raw face of self 

under shelter of shadows

 in the wintery dank of endlessness

In that if I see you seeing me being me I'd feel vulnerable

It's harder to thrust out your taut hand because hands can get slapped and hearts crack and you can't replace what you can't get back

and the practice of solitude becomes  such a knack 

that you could sit in the sun and not know it's warmth

You could be near to the one you're missing

in the same room 

swapping oxides

yet so spiritually far

even in their arms breathing your moistness into their skin

and yet alone

 

Even family at times

become mere bloodlines

and friends fade to titles of chapters of time 

too oft disappearing with dreams when you open your eyes

making it easy to be lonely

easier to get it wrong

easiest to put a song back on

To Anita

When I see you

my road swerves

and I try to steer sharply avoiding the distraction of your outline 

like dictating white lines between the fast lane and a hard shoulder

And if I'm ever blinded by illegal fog beams as they emerge I'll remember your eyes burning through mine when i lose my nerve forcing me to veer away from a collision that I might not survive

To somewhere I can stop.......

and re-fuel

and pull myself together